“Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.” The words of Jesus in response to divorce.
I had always looked at this from the pint of view of the ‘outsider’ he or she that comes between a married couple, knowingly or unknowingly, until i read it today and it hit me that it includes the couple itself more than the outsider! it is the two that are in a relationship. the two who have become one and so only the two can bring about a breaking of that union. the outsider may be a catalyst but the decision is finally made by the two in the relationship. somewhere else in the Bible it says God hates divorce, as much as it is allowed on infidelity grounds, but i think He’d rather you find a way out of that mess rather than breaking the union.
so,when the preacher echoes these words about no man separating what God has put together, the couple getting married should be well aware that it is being said to them.it should echo to them more and mean so much more to them than anyone else because only they have the power to build or break the relationship.
one of my Pastor’s told me once that if you think there are things you cannot forgive your partner,there is no need for you even considering marrying that person.and the funny thing is that the other day, i was in a taxi and the driver was quite talkative and so we got talking about narriage and all. asked him how long he’d been married and he said 16years!and so i went on to ask what his secret to a good marriage was and guess what,he echoed the words of my pastor and that for me kind of cemented that and now i know what is expected of me.now i know that i have to ask myself if i will be ready,to forgive the man i hope to get married to,of anything and everything.and the question pops in my head ‘what if he cheats on you?’tough nut to crack and i do not think i can conclusively answer that now.this is the case of ‘i will cross that bridge when i get there’ but i think i would want to know the reason why he felt the need to seek out another woman.
affairs, i find,are usually as a result of some dissatisfaction at home.they are usually bred from a clean heart,where you meet someone who is doing for you the things you wish your partner was doing. T.D. Jakes always talks about the 80-20 rule and he says that when we have affairs,we usually go seeking the 20% of what is lacking in our 80%perfect partners. in other words,we are trying to get 100%by mixing the two,knowing full well,perfection does not exist and then we most often than not end up losing the 80% only to miss the water when the well has run dry!another one of my favorite pastors here at home was of the belief that,if you notice another man/woman who is not your husband or wife,find out exactly what it is that is making you more attracted to them and see if you can request of the same from your spouse.if it is the way that new young intern dresses,surprise your man with a new suit or if its that secretary with the heels,buy your wife a pair and ask her to wear them for you just in the comfort of your house or room,for your eyes only.find out what it is that is causing you to draw away from that person who you made vows to,and try to fix the crack before it breaks.
a dear friend of mine,Laura,while we were talking politics and not seeing anyone ‘clean’ enough for our votes told me something that i carry with me every day.she said that you know what,they are all evil,we just have to choose the one with the lesser evil.translated to relationships,we are all imperfect,we just have to choose the one that is less perfect in our eyes.the one who’s flaws we think we can deal with without losing our heads and settle on them because if you wait for the perfect one,you will be in the queue for quite a long while!know what,truth is we are a bunch of imperfect people,so,get your imperfect person and make your relationship perfect for you!
one of the things i have come to found out makes the whole dating game easy is knowing what you actually want in someone.find out what you as a person are looking.know what it is you want and well,the choice will be easier for you to make and once you make the choice,whenever you think of calling it quits,think back to the qualities that you first saw in this person that caused you to choose to settle down with them.are these qualities still there?the other person you are seeking,does he/she also have the same qualities or are your spouses weaknesses his/her strengths and hence makes it easier for you,not having to deal with that part of the drama?be honest with yourself.when you find yourself thinking about cheating,ask yourself some tough questions.find out where the leak is before you discard what you have for a new one.you never know what complications the new one will have.so take time.find out the root and try and deal with it first before taking any actions.and realize,you don’t have to tell your spouse that you’re thinking of cheating on them.deal with yourself first and find a way out.where there is a will there is a way.that is what i was taught growing up.i am not saying it’s easy but it is possible and nothing good comes easy anyway,right?
i had not planned on writing such a long post but which writer ever does?just remember it takes two to tango and breaking a marriage is so much work than trying to salvage it,i think.my opinion.and if you ask me,most divorces come from a place of selfishness.where one is just thinking of their needs and not caring about the other person’s feelings,yet we are told that love is not self seeking,actually it covers a multitude of sin!i know the world today does not really value the marital bed and that’s why i tell my peeps,make sure when you decide to get married,you are doing it for the right reasons and for me the first right reason is companionship because that is why Eve came about.for companionship.not children or wealth,but companionship.if you cannot be the other person’s companion,then you have just failed the first and most important test and if you go on with the plans,well,a few months or years down the line you will be meeting with each other’s lawyers!as i finish,it is also important for the two of you to share common values.the most important things in your lives should be the same.you should be able to have common denominators and these should be in the positive values of life because how can two walk together unless they are in agreement?so make sure your ethics are in line with each other.
well, now i am done with my two piece of advice.hope you find something you can work with.