So now,i wonder where i lost it?where i lost the magic?or is it the magic wand?at what point did i start looking at the thing that i love most doing and not like what i saw?where did it stop being a joy and became just another thing that i kinda have to do?yes,i am talking about my writing.there is a sort of….something just major missing and it hit me today…
It all started when I started writing to be read and not because i enjoy it.When i felt the need for my work to be liked and noticed and accepted.That was step one.So then i placed barriers on my creativity coz i wanted to sound politically correct.Is that even possible for a writer?So,i end up suppressing certain creative thoughts because I am not sure of what my readers will think of it.Not sure if hey will understand where I coming from and I think when other peoples opinions become an issue,then you stop being yourself and you start dancing to an imaginary song that you think they are playing for you and that in turn makes you a fraud;makes me a fraud… 😦
And the saddest thing is you cannot lie to yourself and so you know in your heart of hearts when you have stopped being real and now just doing it for the masses and it kills you individually,plus your creative juices because you stop being original.And,no,I shall not throw away my gift so that i can make you happy.I’m sorry, i totally appreciate that you found my words reading,but even if you didn’t,i know that i would still be writing because it makes me happy and it is just a source of joy to me.
So,going back to that place where the words flow without my telling them to.To that place where i just become their slave to put them together in an understandable format and follow their cue.To that place where my imagination takes control and I simply go with the flow…
Ok,i cannot know which post for sure was not ‘real’ but forgive me and let’s see if there is going to be a difference if i have just slacken in my excellence….
imperfectous aka moulding beauty.