I have been hurt,enough times. I guess,as long as you are on this earth,you should always expect some of these things. I know the most painful of hurts for are those that are from people who I consider friends. I feel like there is no greater betrayal than a person who you had gotten intimate with (not physically:-)),to stab you in the back and go an extra mile of twisting the knife,as if to ensure they completely destroy you.
My bestfriend says I am the kind of person who always sees or looks for the best in people. Some of my true close friends think I’m too nice and they say it’s dangerous when someone with ill motives knows that about me. They can easily break me.
High school is where I first experienced betrayal of the worst kind and I vowed that betrayal would be that thing I can and will forgive the person but live by once bitten twice shy,when it comes to them. Therefore such people cease to exist in my radar. I don’t hate them,I simply don’t see the need to have them around. I mean,if I can’t trust you,then there can be no relationship whatsoever.
I recently went through this hurt again. Someone I looked to and respected,turned around and caused me such pain and embarrassment that I would never have imagined!!! Just remembering how I had believed in our friendship,I almost feel like a fool;again but then I tell myself,I do unto others as I would like them to do unto me and if they don’t return the favour,well,that’s on them. It does not reflect on who I am but rather who they are.
The beauty of life though,is that it always has two sides to it. And on the flipside of this,is that God has blessed me with some amazing friendships that almost run deeper than blood.I have a group of people who would jump into the Atlantic Ocean with me,if that’s what I needed. (Not that I would ask them to but it’s good knowing they would). And these are not many. They are few and I have met them at different stages in my life and somehow they have managed to camp in my heart and I love them deeply for that!
So,it’s not always lost. Life will give you a smile with the tears. I know I will rise from my current hurt; that I will pick up the pieces and move on and the scars the hurt leaves behind,well,a constant reminder of just how cruel human beings can get but that I should never let myself get to that level. The scars will be a reminder that I should never attack a person with what they have entrusted me with; that I should never seek revenge no matter how badly I may want to-because it will turrn me into a cruel person and I would not want to be the cause of the pain I am going through: that I should always fight fair,no matter what or who is against me;deal with the facts.
I pray Lord,that I will always choose right over wrong,even when it costs me soo much. I pray that I will always repay evil with good,because I think the world needs more good. I pray Lord,that I will not allow my pride to rule me because then,I stop caring about anyone else but myself and I think selfishness is the cause of too many wars. I pray Lord,that I will always trust you to vindicate me and that my intentions and my heart will always be true in your sight,so help me God.
And now Lord,help me to forgive and let go.