We celebrated one of my brother’s 40th birthday yesterday and let me just say, it was lit!!! All my siblings were there and it was mad fun. Its always nice when the 7 of us are together. It doesn’t happen too often. But this post is not about a party.
I slept over at my brother’s place. My place felt too far to go to at 3 am. I’m not sure why I’m giving all this information that has nothing to do with what I really want to talk about. Maybe I’m buying time.
Anyways, I wake up today and I’m thinking about my life and my current situation to be specific. I am a bit financially challenged. I know how I got here, I kinda have an idea of how to get out. I’m just still stuck in the rut.
I wrote a few days ago, post titled Restart and I mentioned how I felt God is calling me back to write; but not just words but my authentic story. And you know, as a writer, you can always deflect from yourself and still come up with awesome stories. Yet somehow, it is those words that bare our souls naked for everyone that somehow have the most impact. I guess because as a people, we do value genuineness. And so today, when I was thinking about my life; my current situation to be exact, temporal financial challenges, I heard that still, small voice again.
This is the story you need to be telling.
Do you ever hear something so clear but still want to defy it because of what you consider the “cost” of doing it? Well, I had that moment. And the cost for me would really be my pride. I have a reputation to maintain. People have an opinion of me. How do I just expose myself in this manner? Guys will think I’m a loser.
But this is your current truth, baby girl. (Insert Shemar Moore’s voice) and we agreed that you will keep it authentic. Remember that sermon you once heard many years ago? What you go through today is not for you but for someone else. It’s never in vain. Because you are strong enough to rise up from this but there’s someone else out there, unless they know they are not alone, they will continue to wallow in their misery. Your gift was never for you; it was meant to be shared. And I know vulnerability does not come easy for you, but you have Me as your firm foundation, you trust me. You know I only want what’s best for you. I wouldn’t ask it of you if I thought you were not capable.
Yes, God and I have very vivid conversations. So, God wants me to write about the now; the today. What I’m going through and how I am going through it. To document the journey. And I know it’s for me, as much as it is for the person who will need to know they are not alone.
I’m scared. Mainly of the judgments I am assuming I will receive, bit that’s life. People will always need to feel better about themselves so we look for someone else to put down. It’s a dark reality, but we do it every so often. 🙂
So, the tone and focus will change around here. I will write more about financial challenges, my own and others but mostly how they rose above it because I also need the wisdom. Writing is my first language after all. It’s how I best process my thoughts to understand most things.
I am not a guru. Just a 30 almost 31 year old girl who made some wrong detours and is trying to get back on the right path, my right path. So stick around for the journey and feel free to offer your advice. I’m here for it all.
P/s: this was written on Sunday. Just for context.